science rules
by superhighschoollevelskylord
Summary: don't take this seriously. never take any of my fanfics seriously. i don't even know what this is about tbh.
1. Chapter 1

cecil sat down at his desk in the office.  
>"hm... who should i call to fuck with today. maybe one of the new interns. hahaha" he said. cecil liked to prank call people before the office management was like "what the fuck are you doing" and told him to stop, but they couldnt control him that much. most of the time.<br>while cecil was off doing his prank calling stuff, carlos was in his boring lab doing some gay stuff. (( science ))  
>"hey fucker get me the damn vial of H20 i asked for" carlos said. he was irritated because cecil had stayed up all night with him on the phone trying to get him to go to arbys. carlos was like "um ok not yet tho im doing science :"  
>"ok" said carlos's's's's intern. even carlos had an intern, whos name was chuck. chuck wasn't very gay. he was actually pretty nice but carlos was like "ugh" because um why would you go out with a nerd when you had the chance to go out with one of Night Vale's cutest guys ( cecil )<br>memewhile... at the night vale radio station  
>"and so we're going to cut to a commercial break here... nice." cecil said. he was like ? because he wasnt sure which commercial to put on. he settled for one boring one and laughed. he liked to put his listeners through an intense regime to keep them in shape for some Cool words.<br>he was a pretty cool person. cecil was. his middle name was fuckign,,, gershwin and thats a middle name for Cool People. right. i dont know.  
>"i wonder what carlos is doing... AH. carlos." cecil was pretty gay. all he thought about was weird shit. "WAIT. WHAT IS THAT CAT DOIGN" he thought SUDDENTLY.<br>running into the bathroom, he smashed the door open. there was the cat,,,, i dont know its name . its like khrushchev or soemthing.  
>khrushchev meowed. cecil imitated the meowing to the best of his ability... he wasnt very good at meowing with his Suave Voice.<br>"do you have food khrushchev" cecil said. he wasn't much of a cat person but khrushchev was really fucking cute okay. he was like,,, a cat that floated. how fucking cool is that okay. you just dont... get it.  
>back to carlos and his boring science shit,,,<br>"heres your water. why are you so mad" chuck said. he was not trying to be funny, he was just like "why is this guy so mad today. normally he's anxious about that one other dude" but ?  
>chuck was weird<br>carlos did one of those smiles thats fake but made it look fake on purpose. he was kind of a bitch when he was tired. but he couldn't help it, and it wasn't even /his/ fault. you kno who was to be blamed ?! maybe cecil. but carlos thought that was wrong because cecil was pretty hot. he sounded hot. yeah.  
>'what"<br>"Chuck. Leave. Go do your own science." carlos said calmly. he was done with dealing witht his. but chuck was determined to find out what his boss was mad at.  
>"boss what is it. are you okay" he said. he was concerned.<br>"cecil kept me up all night last night dude. he was like 'please love me' and 'please get some curly fries with me tomorrow' or something like that. can you believe it. i mean i really like cecil but sometimes you just dont need to stay up all night with a man like him. you don't WANT to, chuck. please don't stay up all night talking to cecil palmer he is Satan. um. well i mean he actually has some weird chance of being satan. i wouldn't doubt it." carlos rambled on. chuck regreted his question.  
>carlos forgot that the radio was on so when cecil started talking about his personal life AGAIN, he was like "what"<br>"oh, yeah i turned that on. i remembered it came on around this time so i thought i'd just... yeah. haha" chuck said.  
>":" carlos didnt even say anything. "i heard this guy talking all night, how can he possibly still be so hyper..." he started.  
>"idk" chuck said. he walked out of the room to start doing other sciency things, so carlos went back to thinking about cecil and what he talked about with him last night.<br>THE FLASHBACK  
>"so carlos, after arbys do you wanna come back to the radio station to see khrushchev? i absolutely LOVE khrushchev. don't you? have you guys met? he's a cat. do you liek cats? i don't really like cats but this one? He's the real exception! haha" cecil said. he talked so much and he wasn't really sure what to ask, so he asked different versions of like, the same 2 questions.<br>"um, cecil i haven't met Khrushchev but he sounds very... um.. nice?" carlos started responding to one of the questions. at this time, it was pretty late in the night, so he was starting to get tired. but cecil sounded the same as ever. he always sounded so nice.  
>"haha, you sound tired carlos. are you tired? that's bad, and you should feel ashamed. nobody ever gets tired talking to Me." cecil said. his last sentence had that HINT of sadness. :(<br>"NO. I am not tired. science is never done so therefore i'm never allowed to sleep. ...sleeping is for the weak. heh. hehe." carlos said.  
>"...? OK." cecil said. he was hesitating in his responses. hopefully carlos could somehow make it through the whole conversation. it probably wouldn't be too long since they'd be on the phone for like, 5 hours. carlos hoped that this call didn't cost money. shit.<br>"um hey, cecil. do these calls cost money?" carlos said.  
>"how am i supposed to know?" cecil said.<br>unhelpful as always. :/  
>"...thanks" carlos sighed. you'd expect a better answer from someone who had lived here for all of their life.<br>after like, 6 hours of talking on the phone, cecil said HE needed to sleep. he said it was because he ran a very tight shift. carlos tried to act like he wanted to talk longer, but in reality he was exhausted. he did enjoy talking to cecil, yes, but he was so tired. you understand, right. carlos didn't think that cecil ever got tired, but that was wrong.  
>FLASHBACK END<br>carlos felt his phone buzz. he checked it to see a text from cecil.  
>"please come to arbys after you're done with your science, it is an urgent matter. -cecil, xoxo"<br>to be CONTINUED ?!


	2. Chapter 2

carlos checked his phone again and he was like :/ because the text he got was sent like, 2 minutes ago. he wouldn't be done with science for like, half an hour at this rate. he was sad because he might have to postpone his Date. But wait. carlos didnt even set up the date,,,, he was just like "u" because ?

it was rough being carlos because you were constantly hit on by people. you were ready to start going steady with SOMEBODY, but you didn't know how to ask. because u were a piece of trash,,, haha trash.

"CHUCK" carlos yelled. he needed somebody to watch after all this boring science.

"WHA" said chuck. he didn't know what was happening because he was off watching funny videos of cats on b ikes. what the fuck chuck.

"COME WATCH MY SEA MONKEYS" carlos said. he said this FIRMLY. carlos was into sea monkeys ever since the fourth grade when some girl brought them in and let them die. carlos was determined to keep his monkeys safe.

sea monkeys werent even monkeys.

it had taken YEARS of research to come to that conclusion, but now he knew. carlos was Smart. So Smart. he took his lab coat off and put on his OTHER lab coat (his dating one) he was ready.

he opened his phone again and smiled. :) he started texting cecil because what else was he supposed to do.

"im ON MY WAY" he said. his phone auto-capitalized the last words and he was Not Sure Why./ carlos didn't like texting that much. he prefered face to face contact or even calling. but texting? you could mess up so badly texting... ugh. carlos only had like, 3 contacts anyway. those people were like, intern dana, cecil, and chuck.

"OK" cecil replied. sometimes cecil would write PAGE LONG REPLIES to the smallest thigns but most of the time he only had like, short small sentences or words. carlos thought this was weird because he would write only like, 4 words a text but he would talk for almost 5 years everytime he opened his mouth. how much more confusing can you get dude.

carlos didn't know how to get to arbys but he was goign to try to get there anyway. this was for his love life... hahahheah. carlos hadnt had a lvoe life since like, 1998. that was a good year but 2001 was a bad year. (thats when carlos broke up with his bae of the time) but in 2001, carlos thought "hey, i should get into SCIENCE" and so he started studying it more. then he became a liscnecededed SCIENTIST. he was now eligible to be a guest star with Bill Nye. fuck bill nye, carlos could be Carlos The Science Guy. like, it'd be the biggest hit on PBS since bob ross does painting. wait did night vale even HAVE PBS.

finally after wandering around for like 4 months, carlos found arbys. in reality, it'd only been like 10 minutes but it felt like a LONG TIME. he walked in and was ASAUALTED WITH HELLOS. the staff... they were so nice :)

cecil looked up from his weird table in the corner and just blinked. carlos walked up to him and sat down.

"welcome to night vale" cecil said. he said that like, every minute but hearing it in real life was such a shock. he said it so plainly like it didn't even matter. er, well, it mattered but ... you know what idc. cecil was smiling but it was a tiny smile (the smile that was on his face) and he had probably been sitting there for like, half an hour.

"what do you want to eat" carlos said. carlos didnt know what HE would eat but he thought that he'd get comfortable here. he didn't want this whole experience to be some weird awkward thign.

"food..? i don't know what there is here. i've only sat outside to look at the stars that go over the arbys. i've never been inside. is that... weird? i am always called weird but i don't think im weird." cecil started. he paused and turned around. the sun was kind of setting but it was still like, an hour later than it should be. cecil remembered that carlos said that the sun set normally everywhere else BUT this place. it was a weird random memory.

carlos shrugged and pointed to the menu.

"read that and pick something. can you read. of course you can read... right." carlos continued. he walked over to the menu with cecil and picked out some weird chicken fingers. carlos was pretty sure that these were real fingers from chickens. chickens don't have fingers but what can you do to stop the chickens from growing wing-fingers.

cecil kinda looked at the menu and went with the Best Burger Ever. that wasn't what it was called but um. it had bacon and lettuce and cool stuff on it. there was also some sauce on it, but nobody knew what it was made out of. probably sperm or somethign.

"okay sir that'll be 15.43. would you like to try our new milkshakes." the lady at the counter said. she was tired and probably in high school. cecil had a flashback of his high school days and he cringed. those were the meme days.

did cecil pay? who knows. i think so though. carlos got Sprite and cecil got some COKE. he would legitimately fight someone over whether or not coke was better than pepsi. he was tired of the fucking lies in this. pepsi had a weird aftertaste associated with it, and coke had a rougher texture to it. it was hard to explain, okay. cecil just... he didn't like the smooth, overly sweet taste of pepsi. he thought that sprite was good but like, it was probably his 4th favorite drink.

they sat down at their weird corner table again and started eating food. the food was Pretty Good. i love food.

"...cecil i have a confession" carlos said. he put his sprite down and looked up at cecil.

"what" cecil said. he was trying to eat his food but carlos was making it hard. but carlos, sweet sweet carlos, was soooooooooooooo cute. 3 cecil zoned out for a second. he was like "o/o" because carlos was really cute.

"uh well. U SEE. i... like u. i LIKE LIKE u... in a gay way o/o" carlos said.

cecil GASPED. he blushed too.

"you like me in.. a gay way. i like you too, in a gay way. hahah... ha/" cecil repeated like everything that carlos just said. dammit cecil get it togther.

"yeah. so... will you go out with me... be my bae. i might be a bit busy with science but um. yeah." carlos said.

cecil was SPEECHLESS. this was unbeliebable to him . his crush asked HIM out. well okay, cecil brought him here to arbys, but carlos asked him to be ... his bf. i love.

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
